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Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Roller Coaster of Marriage

I hesitate sometimes in becoming too personal on my blog. But today while contemplating whether I should delve into my personal life I realized that if I don't then I am always giving the illusion that my life is all peaches and cream. No one has a perfect life, and it's okay to admit that. It doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong in life, it just means you are human.

I equate marriage as a ride on a roller coaster. There are ups and downs and some real high points, and very low points. And in the end, that is what makes a roller coaster a ride worth riding. I think it is the same with marriage. While the highs are fun, the lows are there for a reason. A point in which to learn and grow and change. While I don't think disagreements or flat out verbal fights are fun or even always necessary I do think they happen because you reach a point in your marriage where something has to change or you have to adjust something to make it work well again. If a roller coaster, or marriage, was just a straight ride through life, it wouldn't be fun and it wouldn't be worth it.

So for the last week, my marriage has hit a low point. Nothing for you all to worry over, but enough to make me have to focus and rearrange some of my thoughts. I'm still at the very low point in this period and we haven't resolved anything yet, but we are both still here. And my thoughts have been swirling around in my head and getting no where. But this morning, when I read on another board of someone elses problem with their marriage and someone stated a question from a book which said "What if God didn't intend for marriage to make us happy, but holy?"

It made me stop in my tracks. When I am going through a rough time and whining to myself about "not being happy", what if instead, I am supposed to be making my marriage a holy one, which in turn will make it a happy one.

It is something I have to dwell on more. I need to sort my feelings out. I can not change anyone but myself. My husband and I need to resolve this. And we will. But what it proves to me, and what the above quote really hit home about, was that this is what marriage is all about. And if we can look at what marriage was intended to be by God, then we can realize that even at the lowest points in life, we can learn that being happy isn't going to happen 100% of the time. And that's okay. Because as long as you stay on track there will be another high right around the corner.


  1. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay for marriage to have ups and downs. I truly thought that if everything wasn't hunky dory 100% of the time then we were headed for the big D. Why? Because my dad and stepmom never fought in front of us. Never. Their marriage seemed perfect all the time. The other side was my mom and stepdad who's marriage ended after the first time I ever saw any differing of opinions.

    One of my big goals with my marriage and children is to make sure that my kids see our conflicts (well, not all!) and see our resolutions (again, not all! heehee) I hope that we can teach our kids that the glorious ups and downs are normal and so very worth it.

    You are so right about the lows being there to give the marriage a chance to change and grow. I have hated some of the lows but, love the marriage that came out of them!

    Good post!

  2. Totally agree!! Good luck with getting back up to a "high point" :)

  3. Oh, Elizabeth...I'm so sorry you are experiencing a hard time. One of the things I do, when I'm angry or upset with someone (a college prof taught me this...) is to pray for change within me rather than for the other person to change.

    It seems to work...helps me realize what it is about ME that is making me upset with the situation.

    Hang in there!

    Hugs to you!

  4. Thinking of you in the coming week. Call me anytime! :)



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