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Friday, January 14, 2011

So That's What It's Like...

Have you ever seen the headlines on magazines at the newsstands that declare "She Does It All!" about a mommy celebrity, such as Angelina Jolie or another one of the 'super mommies'? Whenever I see an article like that I just roll my eyes - after all, it's easier to be a mommy when you have someone doing all your cooking and cleaning, as well as much of your childcare for you. How can you 'do it all' when you aren't doing it all?

I was right about it being easier. While this is the most stressful time in my life, it has been made easier by the generous people filling our freezer and fridge with food. Family, neighbors, and strangers have stopped by with casseroles and soup. Ben's workplace has supplied us with enough food to feed an army. Besides heating up food, I have not had to cook in 4 weeks. This has been such an amazing blessing.

And the cleaning. Every day that my mom has watched the other two kids while Jacob and I have run to appointments and treatments, I have come home to a clean house. Not just a clean house, but an organized one. Today (as well as last Friday) my mom and a friend were busy little bees in the house...laundry was done, dishes were washed, the playroom was cleaned, the carpets were vacuumed, sheets washed, and so on. I can't tell you how relaxing it is to come home from a long day of driving and treatments to a clean and inviting place.

Because to be quite honest, if someone else wasn't doing these things for us right now they wouldn't be getting done.

I have gone to the grocery store twice in the past month - both times just to load up on things that I know that Jacob will eat as he hasn't been eating much at all. Ice cream, toaster strudels, and pizza rolls may not be very nutritious, but they are some of the only things he is hungry for right now and they at least get calories into his little body. Radiation can really change the taste of food, or even make it tasteless. Jacob seems to be hungry but once he puts food in his mouth he spits it back out and declares it "yucky". So I feed him whatever he wants right now. Those foods, along with Carnation Breakfast Essentials are keeping this boy going. I was able to rush through the grocery store and grab what he wanted without much thought. Had I needed to plan a menu, write out a list, and actually gone grocery shopping in this past month I would have failed. It is something that requires too much thought and creativity and I am not in "that place" right now. Bless my husband, but he couldn't cook to save his life and his grocery store attempts end in one bag of junk food that costs $50. Not having to think about food, but still getting fed, is awesome. One of the biggest chores for a mother is feeding the troops so having this load taken off of me at the moment is incredible.

Cleaning is the last thing on my mind. Driving close to 4 hours a day and spending an hour (on a good day) or more at appointments leaves me exhausted. The few days that we have had at home have not found me scrubbing floors or deep cleaning. Again, my husband is a great guy...but he doesn't notice the things like crayons all over the floor, or the piles of laundry needing to be put away, or the bathtub toys thrown all over the bathroom floor. These little messes pile up when you have two children and pets at home and mommy is away. Instead of cleaning I rather wanted to cuddle with my two children that I was away from for ten days. I wanted to make sure I had all of Jacob's medications administered on time. I wanted to sit by Jacob on the couch and watch his favorite cartoons. Cleaning meant nothing to me. And yet it means everything. A clean home is relaxing, inviting, comforting. So while the last thing on my mind was cleaning, one of the things I needed was a clean home.

It's true, it's easier to be a good mommy when you don't have to do the cooking or cleaning. Thanks to everyone for helping me be that good mommy. Now I know how those super mommies do it all - someone does it for them!

17 comments:

  1. Hey Beth,
    You are blessed to have all those wonderful people around to help you! Makes it easier for all of you and when you are home you can just "be" with your family, to be Mommy and a wife! I think you are a super Mom!!
    God bless you on your journey!
    In our prayers,
    Amy

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  2. That was beautifully written! Good news on twitter! God Bless you all and I hope you have a wonderful family weekend!

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  3. Love this Beth, it totally, totally makes sense!

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  4. That is so true Elizabeth. During this journey you find what things really matter. Time to cuddle,hold and be the best Mommy you can be is all that matters. I know how hard that traveling to appointments and treatment leaves you worn and frazzled. I was in those shoes a year ago. The good news is those days will pass. You will look back and say.. Thank you God for getting me through all that came my way. Prayers have been answered from your sisters at MJF. For help to come and your burdens to be lifted in whatever way they can be. Hugs from Kansas...Kristy

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  5. What an amazing blessing that you have had so much help and support!! Prayers as always!

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  6. Aww so glad you have an awesome support system! You are all in my prayers.. Elizabeth

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  7. Never mind that the celebmom's have unlimited funds as well. With what you and your family are going through I would call you the super mom before anyone else anyway!

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  8. Elizabeth:

    What you have posted is a challenge to all of us to reach out to others who are going through a similar experience. You are so blessed to have those people in your life.

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  9. I am so glad you have family and friends to help ease some of the burden. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

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  10. Thanks for sharing this with us. I agree with what Martha said above, "...a challenge to all of us to reach out to others who are going through a similar experience." Sometimes, we are afraid to help because we do not know how or what. But it does not matter, just do something. Continue to pray for your family.

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  11. ELizabeth, I think of you everyday. More so, I think because my dd9's best friend is also going through this right now. While my heart breaks for what you are going through it is also warmed by the knowledge that you have such a wonderful support system there to help you.

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  12. God always gives us just the people we need when we need them. What a blessing that there are those in your life that understand that you can't do it all and are willing/able to let you not do it all and just be "mommy".
    Sending prayers!

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  13. Not sure if this will help (radiation and chemo seem to affect each person a bit differently), but my neighbor found that chewing a piece of cinnamon gum or eating a cinnamon hard candy helped with the altered taste she experienced while undergoing radiation and chemo. She was told to try this by one of her chemo nurses. Might be worth a shot!
    Keeping your family in my prayers!

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  14. What a beautiful post. So glad you have the help that you so deserve during this time. Your little Man continues to be in my prayers.

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  15. Elizabeth~ I agree with the essence of what you wrote and in this time of piecing back together a shattered reality it is easy to look at others with resources with a sort of eye-rolling envy. May I suggest that although you make a valid comparison my question is to what end? What you're going through has nothing to do with them even though what you are saying has everything to do with needing help, getting help, being thankful for help and hoping the help doesn't go away!

    The bottom line is that the only important person in this scenario is YOU. When you are cared for, when your needs are being met then everything, absolutely everything will fall into place.

    I remember a few months down the road of Aria's treatment, I began to look forward to doing a little laundry. I don't know. It gave me something other than cancer to do. I gave me a sense of accomplishment. Your situation is so different because you are spending so much time on the road and away from home that I can imagine long term investments of friends and family to continue helping will be GREAT.

    That's the thing about these long journeys..people don't stick around. You look like you've got things covered and you do but never mind that you're so sick of it you could rip your hair out..never mind that the weight of worry is so heavy it is beginning to leave a permanent mark, never mind that there is nothing you do that feels like who you were before this happened..But people rarely see that..we don't tell them. we don't share it so busy are we trying to stay strong and suppress any sign of vulnerability. This is a mistake.

    Those with resources pay their help. We rely on volunteers...So may I just gently encourage those who have been helping to PLEASE continue and to you dear Elizabeth..don't ever stop asking..don't ever stop reaching out..don't ever stop reminding people of where you are...You never know, you could be helping another Mama out as well!

    Sending all my love and affection, ~julia

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  16. I so agree with you. the sad part is that these celebmom don't even know what they are missing by having their children raised by others. a good look in the mirror is what they need.
    I am glad to hear that you have a great support system. you are a great mom and an inspiration to me.

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  17. I am so glad that you have so much support and help. I can identify with some of what you are going through. I am my mother's medical advocate and care giver, she has been treated for thyroid cancer over the past 10 years. Right now everything is stable, but always waiting for the other shoe to drop. When she went through radiation it ruined her sense of taste also, lots of soups, soft foods and ensure to keep her from losing to much weight. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Blessings
    Diane

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